Something is wrong.  The intuition came upon me last night, and it kept me awake.  It is strong now, and I'm full of anxiety.  Something that I won't like at all is about to happen, or is happening.  It would be nice to be wrong about this.
    I wanted to call Rebar on the phone last night and tell him, "We are honorable people."  But I didn't know how to make my case for it.  I simply feel that we are, despite whatever.  Maybe we are because honor matters to us, and it matters not to the dishonorable.
 
    So, this talk about a rental car has to do with the accident Friday.  It was ugly wet weather, and despite the fact I had more than ample braking distance, the van went into a skid and I crashed anyway, rear ended another car, not straight on but my driver side to her passenger side.  Fortunately my insurance had not been canceled yet, though I am late a premium.  And I do have comp and collision.
    So, when the van gets out of the shop in a couple weeks, I'll need to have found $500 for the deductible.  And I will need to make an insurance payment soon.  And I will need to move soon, because my lease is ending without renewal, because it is tied in with Dry & Thirsty's lease, and they will not be renewing.
    Rebar and Brooklynguy and the Huz think I should ask my parents for financial help.  The guys have already helped me as far as they are able, and I don't think they know how hard it is to ask my parents.  Not that they would refuse, they have always been cheerfully ready to help me whenever able.  It just kills me to come asking; I am thirty one years old, for Pete's sake.  I should be stabilized.  I should be buying them nice things for their birthdays and Christmas.
    I haven't made much of myself.  Oh, last year it looked like I was well on my way.  I was proud.
    I'm not very proud now.  I'm ashamed.  And I am embarrassed.  And the weight of times past when they have sent me money is heavy on me.
    I'd almost rather live out of a car than ask.
 
    So, Thursday I did it.  And Sunday they recognized me for it.  I joined the local UU congregation.  I feel very at home there already.  The people are wonderful, the social climate is very hospitable, and the sense of respect is pervasive.  One friend from church picked me up last Sunday since I was without locomotion, and took me out to lunch afterward. He's a real sweetheart, and we have much in common.  Another friend, a fellow new member, offered to drive me wherever I needed to go while housebound also.  I need to call her and thank her for the offer, and let her know things are ok.
    I also met a theology student who is where I want to be soon.  She is impressive - knowledgeable, confident, warm, intense.  I want to get with her soon and get advice and maybe some guidance.