17 Jun 01

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Movie Reviews

Moulin Rouge - I recommend you sit a bit further back from the screen than I normally do. I usually choose a seat around the fifth row or so, but I regretted it this time. Moulin Rouge overstimulated me enormously. The frenzied flurry of motion in every corner of my peripheral vision excited me about as much as 50 four year olds on soda and pop rocks. The visual effects, while impressive, relentlessly battered me with faces thrust right up in my own face while prickling me with hyperaccelerated human bodies in every inch of the screen. While I can take that for the length of an ad or a music video, half an hour of it was more than my neurology could bear, and I had to leave. It was also highly sappy and melodramatic. Someone else will have to review the rest of it for you.

Evolution - I had much more fun at this one that I expected. There was far less reliance on David Duchovny's previous life than one would think, and the dialog was pretty witty and fast paced. I liked the characters a great deal, and the score was excellent. This was one of the ones I saw with Rebar, and he was very pleased with it as well.

Tomb Raider - Rebar thinks I've sprung something in my head, but I liked this one a lot too. It's an action flick based on a video game, so if you expect to find some decent plot, acting, and dialogue, give up your expectations right now. Tomb Raider is perfect for you if you want:
explosions
shooting
acrobatic fight scenes
Angelina Jolie's tits
Some of the scenery was pretty stunning to me as well (I mean in addition to Angelina Jolie's tits) although Rebar could tell the digitally enhanced bits and didn't like that. I came away from the movie rather sexually aroused. Don't try this with your girlfried - I am differently motivated than most.

Some things I find sexy:
tools
guns
mechanical gizmos
knives
heavy duty computing equipment
cabling thereto
tunnels
water
fire

In light of the above, you can see why this movie left me a bit wet, as did the next one:

Swordfish - I don't find John Travolta as interesting as he once was. In fact, he's a total turn off for me anymore. However, I could dig the evil glee he exudes in this film. It did have a plot, but more importantly, it had lots of nice elaborate explosions. Insert your favorite cliche about fast paced action here. I got high on it. I laughed at all the most inappropriate parts. Halle Berry's tits featured prominently. I didn't even mind all the stupid nonsense about what hacking is supposed to be about. That aspect was totally over glamorized, but I still drooled over the good guy's workstation. Heh. Heh heh. Rebar said it sucked, but not nearly as bad as Tomb Raider. 

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