| Public Apology
For those who didn't know already, the Cherub has tearfully kissed me goodbye to take another stab at his marriage, which was in the finalization phase of divorce. I have a lot of angry and hurt feelings, a great deal of resnetment, and a sense of outrage. In my anger in the wee morning hours, I posted here something scathing that was infantile and barbaric and quite beneath me. Even though some have pointed out that what I said looks like platitudes of praise in comparison with what has been said about me, still it was over the top, and I retracted it. The parts that are still palatable are as follows:
It's been a hard week. Overlaying the horrible devestation and loss of what I have been referring to as "the Tragedy" on Tuesday, sumperimposed upon the mourning of a nation, is my own personal suffering, so minute by comparison, but so monumental in my world, that I've spent days in sickness. The first day I could not eat or drink water, spent much of the day unconscious, and the rest in cycles of crying, screaming, and blankly staring at nothing. I bought alcohol that I couldn't be bothered to drink. I wanted to wither and die.
The second day was a little better.
This is the dawning of the fourth day.
Now it's near the end of the fourth day, and I don't right this moment feel a whole lot better. I did, for much of the day, feel quite a bit better, to the point of even being able to think of Other Things for longer than mere seconds at a time. I felt better for having gotten off my chest a lot of things that were eating at me, but doing so was at the expense of someone I loved, and when I found this out this afternoon, my shame at having been so selfish and spiteful undid the progress.
I do feel betrayed. There are a great many more details, and a good many things that need to be put right, but that should be done in privacy among those concerned, and not in a public forum.
I apologize to everyone who saw my ugly spewage. I apologize to the Cherub for having hurt him.
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