22 Oct 01

bigass list
of entries

 in the
beginning
   
 back
 ahead
   
brought to
you by

Conman Laboratories
Fun with Freak'O'Vision

Sometimes my whacky eyesight can be a great source of humor.

Just a little while ago Captain Napalm and I were doing (not simultaneously) two of the biggest things that get me incredibly high. 1. making love, then 2. laughing our asses off.

I lay there, cuddling with him, staring at his face, and I said, "Don't mind me, I'm just gazing. Well, with my nearsighted eye anyway." He chuckled and then I was reminded of something.

"You know, it's hard sometimes having one nearsighted eye and one farsighted eye. Like yesterday. I was trimming my underarm hairs. The left one was really easy, because my left eye is nearsighted and I could see what I was doing clearly."

He was giggling now, because this is obviously a ridiculous conversation.

"The right one was really hard though, because my right eye is farsighted, and everything was blurry, plus, being predominantly right handed, it was hard trying to snip with my left hand."

Surely the mental image of me straining to see my armpit and not slice it out with the clippers was something else, because the giggles were running away with him.

"So, I kept finding myself trying to get a look at my right underarm with my left eye, and that is hard!"

His giggle fit erupted into full scale laughter, and I couldn't help laughing too, as well as prodding him to further hysterics. "Well?! I'd like to see you do it," I challenged, gasping with hilarity.

"What, look at your right underarm with my left eye?"

"No!"

"Oh! You mean look at my right underarm with your left eye!"

"Augh!" More clenched hard laughter.

He fought to get a straight face, then I said, "You know, I'm tempted to look at my underarm right now!" And that sent him off into another laughing riot. I guess the mental image of that is just too much.

Then we each tried to keep a straight face while cracking up the other. We both suck at it.

"That's not a straight face! That's a sour face!"

"So? You're smiling!"

"So? You can smile with a straight face."

"No you can't! It's gotta be perfectly straight, like this." Not quite as sour this time.

"Like this?" I felt like one of those African shield masks with the stretched out mouth featuring a long tall frown. More hysteria.

I finally got up and gave an underarm looking demonstration.

"See? The nose and the shoulder keep colliding! I can't believe how hard this is!"

While he was clutching his middle, I fell on the bed again and said, "Maybe I should have made you watch the clipping."

"I didn't realize it was a sportator spec." Bwaaaaahahahahaha!

Perhaps you had to be there. 

current image

 
 back
   
   
 ahead
springdew.com
connected || ExplodingGoat || joyfulNOIZE || Smart Ass Advice