I hate it when people call technical support from a cheap-ass cordless phone. Do you have any idea how much static such devices pipe directly into both ears of the person attempting to help? Voices fade in and fade out, and horrible things happen to the tech rep who is listening extra intently to hear the voice of the customer. Because just when you think you can make out what they are saying...
INT. FEATURELESS CUBICLE.
REP is facing a computer, with headphones on,
taking a call.
CUSTOMER
KKKKSSSSSHHHHHHHKKKKKKKK -i. BZZTTTT-i
ZZZTTTTT-main name SSSSHHHHHHHHH-s
FFFFFFFFF-frol KZK-dotcom.
REP
I'm sorry, we have terrible static on the
line today. Could you repeat that?
CUSTOMER
BZZZT -said FFFFFSSSSSSHHHHHHHHT! -asol
BZP-com.
REP
Was that parasol dot com?
CUSTOMER
No! KKKKSSSSSSSHHHH -samatter ZZZZTTT
-you??!! SSSSSSSHHHHTTTT -ell it FFFFFT
-or you. ZZZZZZTTT -ee SSSSSHHHHHHTTTT
-ay FFFFFFFFFF -ee SSSSSHHHHHHHKKKT
-ess...
Sudden BBZZAAPP!!!!! sound from headphones. REP
stifles a scream, leaps out of the chair and rips
headphones off. REP holds the microphone near
mouth.
REP
(hurriedly)
Excuse me, sir, let me put you on hold while
I run a diagnostic.
REP stabs a button on the phone, flings headphones at
desk, and does a dance of pain while clasping ears and
whimpering.
You see, there are many, many kinds of static, but the two I deal with most are:
1. The shushy sort of static that keeps me from hearing the customer.
2. The sudden extremely loud ZAP! usually associated with a lightning strike near an AM radio.
One necessitates more intent listening. The other calls for turning down the volume. These stupid cheaply made cordless phones subject me to both kinds at the same time! Lovely. Just perfect for causing injury. I hate them.
For the love of God, if you are going to call technical support, especially if you are going to be near a computer or other electronic equipment, which kicks off massive amounts of electromagnetic energy (guess what interferes with cordless phones?), please, please, please, I beg you, shell out sufficient funds for a well-shielded cordless. They go for about $150 or so. Or use a corded phone. Even if you have to borrow one from your neighbor. Corded phones will not kill you. The cordless ones might just as well kill me. Or make me want to kill you.
And remember, your tech rep has your address and phone number.
