I was looking for some gun reviews and wound up at Guns Review, whose current topic is "13 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than a Woman." I don't usually paint myself feminist, but this was a little irritating. Since they are requesting submissions, I submitted "14 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than a Man." Here I bring you the blended list, which I lovingly title:
Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than Marriage
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
2. You can trade a .44 for two .22's.
3. You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.
4. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell her so, she will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.
5. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems.
7. Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.
8. A handgun, after one use, will not complain that it is too tired to do it again.
9. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
10. You can make sure a handgun is there when you need it.
11. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
12. A handgun doesn't wallow a big dent in the sofa.
13. A handgun won't ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?"
14. A handgun doesn't care what you look like.
15. A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it.
16. Most handguns do not have to be in control.
17. A handgun doesn't care how big your trigger finger is.
18. A handgun never pretends to know more about shooting than the shooter does.
19. A handgun won't tell all of its friends if you are a "little fast on the trigger."
20. A handgun doesn't necessarily go off before you want it to.