Sigh.
I guess I want too much. Or I want things to stay the same longer than just long enough for me to get used to them. Or short enough so that I never get used to them. Or something.
Know what I want? I want one or two close friends. That would be nice. I've had lots of lukewarm friends, I've had fuckable friends, I've had friendly acquaintances, I've had friends who were formerly close but have kind of fizzled into silence, and I've had friends who later became lovers/spouses and are still friends. But still I really need the security of a close friend, and I just don't have one right now, beyond the husbands.
Don't get me wrong - I really value their friendship a lot, and I need it. But, being spouses, they can't always give me objective or detached feedback. Their points of view are too near my own, and their interests are too entangled with mine.
Know what else I want? I want someone to tie me up, spank me, and do ridiculous things to my erogenous zones. A little hot melted wax wouldn't be bad either.
These are not related, by the way. You don't have to be a close friend to tie me up, or to tie me up to be a close friend - these are two separate things.
I'm just not getting what I want out of interactions with people.
Am I spoiled? I somehow seem to think I should be able to get what I want. Is that absurd? Sometimes I just feel so thwarted.
Sigh.
