31 July 1998
 
The Lowdown on fac   
 
    Well, now.  I just got done a third round of goodbyes with facter.  He's leaving the states tonight, from Los Angeles back to his home in Perth.  Granted, it's not really goodbyes if we aren't actually together, but even so, he is leaving the realm of the relatively cheap long distance call, and that is sad.  The good thing is that he has a webcam at home, as well as all his writing and art, some of which he'll be sending me.  He'll also have access to his ICQ, so theoretically, he should be more accessible from down there than from L.A.  It still bums me out that his feet aren't on the same continent as mine anymore.  That's incredibly silly, but true. 
    I've found something really rare and beautiful in facter, something I'd been looking for, but didn't realize that until I found it.  The closest I got was Gus, and he wasn't close at all.  facter is everything I'd hoped Gus would be, but didn't understand I'd been hoping for anything at all. 
    So, what's so wonderful about fac?  Let's see now... 
  • He has an incredible sense of humor, and a warped and twisted one at that.  Highly attractive.
  • He understands what situations call for freaking out, and which don't.  He's much calmer than most people I know.
  • He has immense faith in his personal powers of making things happen, a faith that carries over into me, and makes me feel like I can do anything too.
  • He doesn't waste time or energy worrying about impressing people.  He does whatever he does for his own reasons.  I really love that.
  • He's nuts about his baby nephew, even though he can't let his sister know that.  She might draft him for permanent babysitter duty.
  • He brings an energy everywhere he goes, and passes it on to other people, enlivening them, involving them.
  • His art is really absorbing.  Much of what I got to see was akin to tribal tattoo art, and quite compelling.  The robot arm he drew on my arm was so detailed and fluid.  Yes, fluid, a lot of his mechanical drawings carry a paradoxical fluidity that is just so...amazing.  I can't wait to see more.
  • He is a child and an ancient all at once.  Innocence and wisdom blended very nicely with prankishness and candor.
  • He shares many of my likes and dislikes, as to air conditioning, music, beverages, money, television, and noctournality, to name a few.
  • I think he is an inherently happy person.
    Add to these the fact that he is utterly gorgeous and kisses me deliciously, and a few other physical traits that are appealing, and you begin to get a picture. 
    Oh, if you are going to get a picture, then get this one: 
 
 
    See what I mean?  What a dear heart.  I think it was Dzap who took this pic in L.A.
 
    Did I screw up?  The screwup in question concerns Zach.  See, at the Reunion, I gave Chloe a cassette tape to give to Zach, the soundtrack to "The Fifth Element," a movie I happen to know he likes as much as I do.  Thing is, we don't talk, and haven't really in many, many weeks.  I showed up for his and Chloe's virtual wedding, and that was it.  Well, he recently wrote about how keeping secrets is the same as lying, and it was good to see that offered.  I mean, it was a bit soothing to me to know that I didn't just cease to be, to him, all of a sudden, though I didn't want him to carry around pain.  The cassette was a peace offering, a gift just to be a gift.  I don't want to be a lover, I don't want to intrude.  I don't want anything at all from him.  Well, that's a lie.  I want contact, friendship, but can understand if that is not forthcoming. 
    If you had the patience and the eyesight to read my handwriting from last entry, you might have seen me say that it's up to him to lay down his burdens of guilt and/or doubt and/or pain.  It's up to him to decide if things are ok enough to talk to me now.  I'm here with open arms, but it's not my place to approach.  He is the one saddled with the past, so if he can set that aside, he is more than welcome here. 
    Chloe, by the way, is terrific.  I liked her instantly.  Yes, I knew her online already, but it's wonderful to have these impressions confirmed for you in the flesh.  It's so easy to see why he loves her. 
 
--Spring 
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Tales from the Field 

If you are sick of hearing about soda and the soda business, I suggest you ignore the sidebar.   
      
I got to forklift again.  Twenty small countertop beverage coolers came in.  I got so much practice!  Eventually I was hitting the slots at the bottoms of the cartons with little or no adjustment of the forks, sliding in and out just like with a table fork.  Mmmmm that sounds mildly erotic.  Anyway, I reached a level where I can turn around in tight quarters with only one try, I can keep the damned thing from stalling out on me, provided I don't try to steer too tight, and I can lift the forks and move forward in the same smooth motion.  Condiman says that if I really get good at that fork, then the nicer ones will be a piece of cake.  Just as I learned to drive with a 72 Ford pickup, with manual on the column shift and no power anythings.  Anything after that was a cinch. 
    
Otherwise, today was a screwup day, all the way around.  I messed up messages and failed to find the bank at lunchtime, wasting precious time.  I felt useless, and I really hate that.