It's 1:25 am and I never left work.  I'm right here, not working, just not really wanting to go home.  Frankly, I'm utterly drunk.  I've been very upset about something that happened at work today and have been tooling around the "Fuck Work" section of the Unamerican Activities site. 
    I've been wondering for hours just how much I should say in here about what's going on, because I don't want to say anything that might be detrimental to my company, and yet this journal is about self-expression.  This is my release valve for what is ailing me, this is my nexus of communication, and it truly bites if I can't bring my problems here.  I've been very careful in here in the past to only present the very best facets of my company.  I really truly enjoy working here.  I enjoy my mission and feel truly fulfilled in performing it.  I don't want anyone walking away with a bad impression of it.
   Yet, what happened today was ugly, vile, and hypocritical.  It goes like this:
    The son, daughter-in-law, and wife of the investor in our company were cruising about the Dry & Thirsty site.  They followed a link from there to the Jones Soda Yahoo! Club.  They followed a link from there to my personal profile, which had a link to this journal.  Well.  The boss got a call from the investor reaming his ass for having the D&T page associated with such a sick individual who wants to sleep with women and such.  Notice that it wasn't directly associated.  You have to go through quite a network to get here.  By the way, the daughter-in-law is the Joy I have so praised in previous entries.  I am sure now that she has it in for me.  This is the second act (as far as I know) of character assassination she has committed.
    The reason this bugs me so much is that the investor has never met me.  Not once.  So this person has no idea, besides El Prez's praises, what kind of asset I am, what kind of dedication I posses.  All he knows of me is what has been told him by El Prez and his son and daughter-in-law.  Now, who would you believe?
    I really wanted to like this guy.  He is a long time friend of someone whom I respect and admire very much, someone whom I try to emulate, someone who is a business role model for me.  Being the friend of a person I hold in such great esteem is a hugeass seal of approval, and yet this person would behave this way...
    I'm sorry, but I can't respect someone so judgmental.  If this guy is human, as I suspect he must be, he's got no business casting the first stone.  Jones is all about individuality, it's about originality, it's about flavor.  And yet these are qualities I am not allowed to possess.
    As I cried in the bathroom, I saw three courses of action.  One, I could try and "act normal" for awhile.  I don't like this, cuz it would make me a sellout.  Two, I could continue more or less the way I have been, moderately kooky.  I don't like this because this seems to hurt El Prez's relationship with The Investor, and anything that hurts El Prez hurts me.  I want only good things for him.  Three, I could look for work elsewhere.  I don't like this one either because El Prez has vehemently told me that I am too important to lose.  Again, I don't want to do anything disadvantageous to him.
    Sigh.  So, a lose/lose/lose situation.  What would you do?
    I debated how much of this to put here, and finally decided, fuckit.  I gotta be true to me, so here it is, blue-on-white.
    I love my job.  I really truly do, and would do whatever it takes to fulfill my mission, my goal, my fucking calling.  I'm passionate about what I do, and I hope it shows.  Sometimes that means taking the bad with the good.  So be it.  For now I am here, and intend to remain here until it becomes obvious I can do a greater good elsewhere.  Somehow I doubt that eventuality will ever occur.  My future is here.  I'm ready to face it.