I am dead dog tired and my guts ache. The last 24 hours have been so horrible, I can barely think on them. Most days I just make my way and do fairly well. Work is frustrating, but not always to the point where it ruins my life.
Everything conspired today though to reduce me to tears before 1 am.
Between losing some vital INS information plus some highly important investment information, I find that Boober is in trouble at school and may not make it to the next grade, plus he's got behavioral problems that require counseling. The dog is becoming increasingly incontinent, even after such a good start for several days. The house is dark and crowded with stuff, and things go missing in the morass. The children are more messy than I ever remembered, and haven't been keeping their hands off other people's stuff.
I'm continually pressed for time, nearly running late everywhere I go. I'm lucky if I get 5 contiguous hours of sleep every day, and more so if I can catch one or two to make up for the 7 in a row that I actually need. The children, the dog, and I are stressing Napalm all out. Pressures at work are increasing at such an alarming rate that I am seized with immobility sometimes as I sit there, looking at a case, and realize that there is no right answer! I can think of four courses of action to take to solve a problem, a none of them are "right", because of policy and procedure that have become increasingly more complex and encrusted with peril and retribution. Of everything that can be done, none of the answers escapes violation of some arbitrary rule that management has laid forth.
My irritable intestines made me half an hour late for work tonight. People who know me well know how excruciating that is for me. I am not at liberty to use sick days for when I am actually sick, because we can no longer apply other days off to emergency situations. We have to save up our meager sick days for the unexpected. How stupid is that?
I am so hemmed in and hedged in by "can't" and "won't" and "not allowed" and big trouble and minor trouble and write ups and SOPs and traffic! Doesn't anybody care about what we CAN do anymore? Doesn't anybody WANT "can do" anymore?
I have 3 minutes left of my break time to finish and post this. *sigh*
