Spring Holidays 
I gave her Dax spots around the hairline with an ink pen. 

9 Apr 11:02 pm 
I got a wonderful email tonight about the last entry, about how grinding myself down doesn't help anything, how sometimes it's ok to say "fuck you."  I knew that at one point in my life, but forgot somehow.  This beautiful email was also very supportive of me and of bi's in general, as well as my grafix.  It really picked me up, the whole mail. 
    It was funny, a couple days after the April Fool's entry, I was driving to the bank and discovered a used forklift for sale, sitting out in front of the roofing company.  Life imitates art.  And I really wanted it. 

10 Apr 1:25 pm 
When I dropped the kids off today, the daycare provider (I need to give her a name if I am gonna mention her so much) was wearing white stretch pants and a flowery top with a kind of skirt around the bottom of it.  It looked like an adult-sized version of what a 16-month-old girl might be dressed in, but on her it looked good.  She was full of energy and cheerfulness.  I guess whatever had been making her so weary finally got better.  Her dark hair was in a French braid, and her blue-and-green eyes were all twinkly.  She was wearing her glasses instead of contacts; I prefer that.  Magnifies the twinkles.  Plus, sometimes the expression she has on her face when not wearing glasses makes me think she isn't understanding just what I am saying, although her words and tone of voice and other body language indicate that she does get my drift.  It's kind of a slight squint, just her lower lids, her eyes otherwise wide open. 

3:26 pm 
I had to pick the kiddos up early today, because the daycare lady had stuff to do related to Good Friday as well as her regular physical exam.  Her whole family was dressed up for church.  She wore this brown jumper with cream tights and knit shirt.  Very youthful.  Lovely. 
    They had an Easter party today, and the boys brought home lots of cake and chocolate and jellybeans and all that.  I'm letting them eat it now, they seldom ever do anything that unhealthful. 
    Teletubbies are here.  They are on right now.  They were supposed to arrive last Monday, but I think the show has been broadcast mornings only, when I'm busy watching the news.  For some reason though they have it on in the afternoon.  My kids are enchanted.  I'm still afraid.  Watching them slurp tubby custard...eerie. 
    I think I will call her Twinkle.  Like Moomie and Boober, I don't think anyone will consider Twinkle anybody's born name. 

11:25 pm 
Are these time stamps distracting?  I always wrote my journal in fits and spurts, but never actually put the times on what pieces I wrote when.  Maybe I should just put what date I wrote what, now that one entry covers more than one day.  Lemme know please, it'd be welcome. 
    I feel better today, really, despite the dickhead's usual weekend behavior.  I heard that radio message again, the one outlining the symptoms of depression, and this time wrote the number down, which turns out not to be a 1-800 number, but that's ok.  I'll call it next week.  It's on the fridge. 
    Passover started tonight.  It began without me.  I don't really know how to properly do a seder, and I'd rather not do it than do it wrong.  Most years we get an invitation to a community seder, ya know, the big special meal, but this year we didn't wind up on a mailing list, as we usually do wherever we live.  I feel lousy about it, because the Passover seder is very, very important to Jews.  People who never keep kosher pull out the dishes that are only for Passover, clean the house completely, chuck out all the possibly leavened items, go to the kinfolks or have the kin come to them, all that good stuff.  That's the kind of thing I wanted when I first became interested in Judaism, what I still want.  What I'd hoped to have with my first husband, before he turned out to be a bigamist. 
    Easter is Sunday (like you don't know that already).  The Huz celebrates Easter, so the kids have to as well.  Oh break their widdle hearts, all that candy, shyeah.  Easter makes me uneasy.  It used to be International Pogrom Day, you know.  I heard somewhere that anthropologists are discovering that crucifixion was a Roman practice, not a Hebrew one.  So what else is new? 

11 Apr 10:25 pm 
Brooklynguy hasn't shown for Acrophobia yet, I hope he doesn't miss our date entirely. 
    We went to an Easter egg hunt/party today.  Scores of kids, little and big, swarmed everywhere, engaging in games and activities and things.  This was the first time since I've had kids that I was face-to-face with the overpowering competitiveness of some parents.  I am not so sure that egg racing and jellybean number guessing and piñata whacking and egg hunting are cutthroat sports, but you'd think so from the way some moms and dads were yelling.  It was ugly.  And for my sensitive older child, it was intimidating.  When the egg hunt began, the kids took off like a shot, except Moomie.  He searched slowly and carefully, thoroughly, but the eggs weren't hidden cleverly, so the fast kids got to most of them first.  If they'd been really well hidden, he'd have found more than the two he did, I think.  He was sad that he didn't find more, but I told him how proud I was of his determination. 
    At the piñata, when the thing broke and the candy fell down, all the little kids were trampled by the twelve and fourteen year olds.  My kid didn't even try it, he saw it coming.  This really, really bummed him out, though he claimed he didn't want any candy. 
    I just know he is going to have a tough time getting to adulthood.  He has that aura that draws bullies like old bananas draw fruit flies.  He is sensitive, a bit timid sometimes, and very, very smart.  I have to work with him now to get and keep his confidence up, and he needs self-defense training for sure.  He will need good tips for picking friends who aren't likely to turn on him.  With the right help he can be academically successful without having his head flushed down the toilet too often. 
    Part of his droopiness today had nothing to do with the crowds, though; he later came down with a 102 degree fever.  No other symptoms, just the fever.  He was exposed to chicken pox last week, but he's been inoculated, so I don't know what to make of it.  Maybe the body still has to fight it. 
    Boober isn't running a fever.  Heh, my tough little guy.  He is extremely loving and caring and generous, but also very strong, emotionally.  Stuff rolls off him pretty quick, though he has a lightning temper and the heaviest sulk I ever saw.  He positively reeks of confidence, jumps into everything with both feet, and has a hard time taking no for an answer.  I think he has too much heart to become a bully, but will keep an eye out anyway.