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Not entirely sure rebound is the word for what I am doing. I
mean, traditionally the term means that someone is forming a relationship
mainly because, consciously or not, he or she is grieving over a recently
dissolved relationship. Rebound romances are generally seen as less
than legitimate and utterly unstable, as the grieving partner stops grieving
and gets on with life, and the other partner is no longer needed as a crutch.
Sometimes the rebound relationship dies, and sometimes it evolves into
some more stable form.
Yeah. I am grieving. A lover who meant the world to me no longer has time for me, but I stopped saying anything about it because I know why, and he can't do a thing about it, so why make him suffer with my whining. My husband metamorphosed from this wonderful being I fell in love with to someone I find it very, very difficult being exposed to on a daily basis. But I think I went through the bulk of THAT grief a few years ago. Now it's just a survival thing. Someone I love dearly denies the legitimacy of my feelings, and used to have the habit of pushing me away for as long as two months at a time. I gave up trying to convince him and just let it be. He hasn't given me the silent treatment in a really long time, though if he reads this, it might provoke another one. I'll still be here when he gets over it, as I always am. Awhile back a good friend began going through a hard time and needed a great deal of support. In the process of offering that support, I grew to love him, and still do, though he doesn't need me so much anymore. In fact, he is trying really hard to not need anyone, which looks to me an impossible thing for any human, but I think he will be fine. And I will be here if he needs me again. You probably think I am nuts. Who in their right mind loves all these people in a romantic way? Well, I've had the tendency to love more than one person all my life, and for most of it, I thought there was something wrong with me, something wicked and vile, traitorous, adulterous. It took a long time to discover that many, many people feel as I do. In fact it seems more natural for the human creature to love more than one than to not, else adultery and divorce wouldn't be nearly as big a problem as they are now. Anyway, here is some stuff about polyamory. And back to the subject of rebounding... The woman I mention in my confessions, well, I feel something powerful, stunning, and utterly unique happening here. Unique for me I mean, I haven't really entered into a level of intimacy in quite this way before, and it's kind of scary. Not so much that I might get hurt. Hurt is a very old acquaintance of mine, familiar though not loved. No I am scared that somehow, inadvertently, I might not do the right thing by her. I am terrified of hurting her, when she is so precious to me. Sometimes I look at her, whether it be her pictures or her words, sometimes I look at her and feel tears start to rise because of the beauty of her spirit and the many, many shining edges of her mind. She has shown me so much. Again language fails me, but I think you get the idea. If this is a rebound... Well, I don't know what the problems might be, or even if there'll be any. I just know that I love this person, and would rather hack out a vital organ than hurt her. |