I can't sleep. My head is buzzing with stuff. Like the network at work.

I really have to make a map of the network. It's incredibly slow and it's got implementations that don't make any sense. Like copious unnecessary use of PCAnywhere. Every time the company has opened a new sales office, it's bought two computers, one for the sales office, and one for the network that the sales office can PCAnywhere into. Yet the server runs NT Server 4.0. Why not have those modems go directly to the server? People are mostly using the computers to check their email, so why not forgo the network link entirely and let them get their email via the internet? This stuff and more is junk I am learning, but a network admin should know these things already. It's making me very angry with the network admin. I am afraid to think of how much money has been funnelled into this jerry rigged monstrosity needlessly because he didn't know his shit.

I'm also getting angry because I cannot walk into a store without somebody asking me if I work there. What the fuck is it about me that says, "Hello! I work for Super G! I work for Kmart! I work for Office Depot!"??!! Maybe I grew up in more enlightened places, but most of these stores have uniforms, or aprons, or hats or something, so you know when you LOOK at someone whether they work there or not. I have NONE of these. What overriding factor is it that makes people completely ignore my civilian dress and ask me this. One woman tonight got offended at me because I didn't immediately turn around.

"Do you work here?"
I keep walking, thinking she is talking to someone else, who must work here.
"Do you WORK here? HellOOOOoooo!" Here comes the attitude.
"Are you talking to me?" I turn around.
"Yeah!"
"No, I don't work here."
"Pft!"

The past couple weeks it's been happening almost every day. And what offends me is not being mistaken for a peon. I myself am a peon. This isn't a status or rank thing. This is a "what kind of world am I living in stuffed with insufferably rude morons who can't be bothered to look for somebody in uniform" thing. I am a magnet for these people. THAT's what's making me crazy. Somehow, unwittingly, I am attracting dipshits. I can't take this.

My kids are coming and I am so unready. I bought a bed tonight. One of those futon sofa things that unfolds. It gets delivered Saturday. So the kids can have the queen size and I'll take the futon and that will do for a little while, but they need separate twin beds. That queen takes up most of the room, and they won't have much space to play. And they need to sleep separately so that there isn't any "he's got his feet on my side of the bed!"

I fear for this election. Whether it's Silly Putty or the Man with Half a Brain, we are in trouble. I am definitely voting for Nader, regardless what little good it will do. I can't conscionably vote for either of the major party candidates, they both scare me. How appropriate for Halloween.

Nicotine fits all day. All day. Everywhere I went, somebody was smoking, somewhere, even all over TV. It's making me crazy, just now lying in my bed thinking, "Well, I'd be able to sleep if I had a cigarette, that's for sure."