The feeling of unreality recurs. I come of out 24 hours of delirium and faucet-nose to find my head wooly and sluggish. I find that there is a poly group right near here, and make tentative plans to attend their monthly feast this Sunday. Dataman tells me he would be happy to support any porn endeavor I might be getting into. And I miss my loves.
The snow is falling thickly, as it has been since early this afternoon, and on my way home, crawling at less than 5 miles per hour up Springdale Drive, I thought to myself, "And I CHOSE this??!!" Creeping into my second hour of the fourteen-mile drive home, I thought, "And I am here WHY??!!"
Yet, at the urging of my children, we bundled up again to trudge out on foot in the driving snow to pick up some Chinese food and make a stop at the Wawa store so that Boober could spend his totally magic-markered and torn-and-retaped dollar on some Nerds. He wanted exploding chocolate, but it was not to be.
I am sniffling disgustingly, without any pants on, and remembering what I said to Dataman. Why would anybody wanna look at a chubby white chick, besides her boyfriends? I didn't add "unpretty" to the list of adjectives, but I was thinking it. He came back at me with a variant of my "somebody who likes it" quote. My version: For everything there is in this world, there is somebody who likes it. His version: You would not BELIEVE the stuff that turns guys on. Shrug. He just seems to think there's enough people who would like the looks of me to actually make some money on it. Plus he says that most porn is done so very badly, that a well-done porn site would stand out head and shoulders above the crowd.
I have to talk to the guys about it. Two were already clamoring for me to put porn on my existing site, and one seems to celebrate everything I do, whatever it is. Still, they are chosen family, precious to me. This needs discussion amongst all of us beforehand.
Dataman seems to think this could make us rich.
When we have sweet and sour, everything gets sticky. I think even the cat is sticky.
I don't have to point out for the lovers what money would mean. It would mean getting to see each other a lot more often. Depending on how much, it might mean being able to live together. It would mean a decent education for my children. It might mean we can be our own bosses again.
I put in more nudes, with better lighting.
