So, I'm feeling a little down tonight. The pain in my hip isn't making things any better. I don't have any specific reason for feeling down, I just do is all.
Lunch was some leftover catfish pieces from supper at Chili's. Wasn't half bad the second time around.
Crushes are good, but kind of sad too. The temptation is pretty strong to get up and do something about it, but experience says things go better when you don't.
I was thinking on the drive in to work tonight that there's a special kind of high in seducing somebody, more especially when you're someone who isn't inherently physically beautiful in the first place. There's a thrill in exercising the power, if you can. There's the challenge of trying to make that connection and not getting rejected. If you succeed, you might get some pretty exciting times together. Until the new wears off, anyway.
When I was younger and not so bright I got caught in a circle of continually hunting partners. That high is as addictive as any drug, and just like with any drug, the high gets less high and shorter lived each time around, until you are working around the clock to achieve it, hell to just even feel normal. You can only think of what you need and how to get it again.
I am not worried about falling into that spiral again, but I am very much worried about experiencing again what I found then - the "morning after" phenomenon. After the initial encounter, or maybe after the second or third, it's no longer exciting and you don't see what was so attractive in the first place. You begin to feel regretful, maybe even guilty. Definitely superficial. Or, maybe it's not you who starts feeling the regrets; maybe it's the other person. The specialness leaves. Either way somebody gets hurt. Even if both parties are totally pragmatic about such things, a little bit of hurt occurs anyway. That's the way it is with the end of something.
At least with an unspoken crush, you can keep enjoying it until it's over. You can savor the sight and the sound of the crushee, and if it burns away, nobody was hurt. Like I said before, a residue of affection.
If there's something more to it than a crush, it'll come back. It'll persist and then maybe there's something that needs to be done about it. If not, then not.
In other news, it looks like comments are down again at the remote host. I talked to Napalm, though, and he said he'd build me a comments system. He said it should be pretty easy since I don't want threaded comments and I prefer in-page comments to pop-ups.
