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17 November 1998 |
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How to love me - a tutorial. Sorta. I doubt anyone who reads, if anyone who used to read still does, really cares what's important to me when it comes to making love. Still, these things drift to mind occasionally, and it might be fun to get them out and maybe see if anyone agrees with me. Now, what I'm talking about here are my preferences. Since everything I am about to expound upon is what I like done to me, it might sound a bit one-sided. Let me say right up in front that I know how to initiate intimacy. I know how to offer pleasure of many kinds. It is my philosophy to give readily and to show appreciation in abundance. So, although I'm going on about what I like to receive, I'm not just lying there absorbing it. Dance with me. You may not realize how important this is to me. It wasn't until last year that I realized I'd been holding a grudge about this very thing for years. Move with me. Fast or slow, whether you think you are good at it or not. Sure, I can make love without dancing, and have for years, it really adds a lot when you do sway with me some. Really kiss me. I mean, pay attention when you kiss me. Actually do something in the realm of kissing when you kiss me. It's really unnerving to have a partner cram their tongue into your mouth and then just park it there while they are concentrating on something else. You're left there thinking, well what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing just lying around in my mouth? Lips and tongue can be so sensual, so giving, so provocative, so let them be. Touch me in other places besides my kitty and my nipples. I do have lots of other places. In case you didn't notice, my whole body is covered in skin, the largest erogenous organ. Necks and ears are terrific, that's why they are well-known nibble spots, but guess what? Shoulders love caressing, as do abs and thighs and the insides of elbows and the small of the back and, well I'll tell you what - you caress me in all kinds of places and I'll rate them on a moan scale. You'll be able to tell by the sound which places like it the best. While we are on the subject of caressing - I dunno what other women like, but I can't stand to be tickled. Takes the mood right out of me. I do like massages, but I like them when they are therapeutic. If you want me to go to sleep, massage me, knead me, rub me down; if you want me aroused, caress me gently, with your fingertips. I might purr. My orgasm is not a sporting event. For some women, achieving a climax is really hard. If the sole purpose of lovemaking is to give the woman a climax, and she isn't getting there, despite your best efforts, persisting at this can take all the joy out of the session and leave nothing but frustration. Now, please, I am not saying don't try to give me an orgasm. Please, be my guest. But if I say please stop, because I've been on the brink for so long that my nerves are aching, or I'm getting friction burns or whatever, if I say stop then stop goddammit. Some days it just ain't gonna happen. It doesn't make you any less of a lover. It's not a personal slam against you. It doesn't mean you are getting demoted to the minor leagues. It just means I am not coming this time and let's just do something different now. There is so much more to lovemaking than a bundle of nerves in my clit going into overload. Really. However, I am not content with satisfying you and then being handed my clothing. Give and take, sweet cakes. If I give to you and you give me nothing, don't expect to get anything from me ever again. One of my lousiest encounters involved a guy who seemed thoughtful and considerate until the night I gave him a blowjob, after which he suggested it was time I went home. Jerk. In fact, thoughtfulness and consideration turn me on quite a lot, away from the bedroom as well as in it. Nobody loves a martyr or showboat, so it really isn't cool to make a big production out of how giving and sacrificing you are, but doing nice little things subtly, quietly, makes a big difference. Please take it easy on my clit in the early part of the lovemaking. See, there is this little hood of skin that gets pulled over it the more aroused I get, and if you are too brutal on it too early, before that skin is there, it's excruciatingly painful. If I push you away some while you are attending me this way, that's why. It hurts. You can keep doing what you are doing, just do it more gently and all around the area instead of right on it. Then I'll get a lot more aroused and show you the benefits. There is more to foreplay than just a few kisses and gropes. Men used to be pretty bad about this, but the last ten or fifteen years has produced quite a number of informed and considerate guys who understand this and sometimes go too far the other way, as I mention above. Still there are some folks who cut directly to the chase and leave their partners wanting. I need to be revved up, I need to be well driven, and I need to be cooled off. I'll happily do the same for you. Lastly, let me see you once in awhile, and not just to horizontal mambo. If I only get a visit from you once every two weeks or so, and all you wanna do is rock the mattress, that makes me feel pretty cheap indeed. But if you make a point of visiting frequently, and to just talk or eat or help me with my puter or tinker with your toys or whatever, then I feel a lot more inclined to be affectionate. I guess it just goes back to consideration. It's considerate to treat me like a whole human that you are wholly interested in, and not just a particularly warm body with some comfortable crevices. --Spring
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