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7 February 2000 |
| I Could Rule the World
Sometimes in my daydreams, I form this cult or whatever you want to call it. Of course I want to get rich, but I don't want to rip off gullible people to do it. My fantasy doesn't involve getting people to give over everything they own. It just involves preaching my distilled, simplified, baby food version of religion to the world at large, my inescapable charisma spurning them to fund my mission so that I can take it to a larger and larger audience. I envision people smacking themselves in the head, going, "Of course! It makes perfect sense! I will use Reverend Spring's teachings to guide me to a satisfying life. Everyone should hear this message and make their lives better. I'm sure I could spare a twenty." I imagine founding the Eternal Spring Church, "Where Hope Springs Eternal!" and having a snazzy little mini-fleet of sky blue New Beetles with watery splashes and the church logo on them. They'd be for special events and transportation of volunteers to whatever charitable events we could get included in. I imagine buying a decaying old little white church to put my congregation in, and adding on as it grows. I imagine a radio show on FM106.3 on Sunday mornings involving discussion about personal spiritual growth interspersed with music about same, but done in such a hip and open minded way that their modern rock audience will dig it. I imagine a big name endorsement and national attention. I imagine that my super simplified religion spreads like a plague and that peace and personal development infect every country and we all live happily ever after. And without having any official office or title whatsoever...I would rule the world. Muaaaahahahahahaha! --Spring
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