 Rage
and Raging Hormones
Well, Tuesday turned out to be pretty crappy, for
the most part. I spent most of it in fits of red rage, and then I
spent most of the time that Brooklynguy and I were trying to find a place
to eat bitching and moaning about how much my life sucks and what a lousy
mother I am.
We concluded that I am full of staggering amounts
of frustration, and when it bursts into flames, it's a staggering amount
of rage. So, we formulated a plan to deal with the frustrations.
Risky or not, I need daycare now! I
cannot do my work and therefore get paid until I can dedicate long productive
stretches of my time to the task at hand, and that means the kids have
got to go. They have to have some place to spend my workday.
Soooo the past day and a half I have been seeking out daycare. I
have one more appointment left for tomorrow, then I choose my temporary
provider, until I find something truly ideal. Like a school for Moomie.
Boober is still young enough that he can probably stay in a home-based daycare
for a little while, but Moomie's mind is bursting at the seams and he needs
knowledge to feed on. In huge quantities.
By the way, I told him the other day that this year
he needs to start thinking about what instrument he'd like to learn.
I understand that 5 is a very good age to reap the benefits of musical
education. And no, I have no intention of forcing him to pursue an
instrument if he hates it. I will do everything in my power to help
him find one he loves. Being able to read and understand music has
such cognitive advantages, from what I understand, that it makes me doubly
envious that we couldn't afford any such thing when I was a kid.
I was already envious at not having a musical skill nor being able to read
music. But one day...the cello.
Ooh I got off-topic. After supper, we went
to CryonV's house to have some cake. They'd been keeping my kids
and his wife made this lovely cake; she has such a talent.
Another thing I'm doing about the frustration is
signing up for a debt consolidation service. No, these folks don't
bankrupt you, and no you don't have to own a house. They just freeze
your credit cards and then lump all your bills into one, and they have
already cut a deal with most creditors for special benefits. For
instance, through this program, Discover Card stops charging interest at
all, and Citibank lowers its interest to 8%. Some creditors actually
reduce the amount of debt you owe them. Some, though offer nothing
special. At best, you get to pay less per month than usual and still
come out paying off all your debt sooner than you would normally.
At worst, you pay about the same per month but pay it off faster.
Yesterday, on the way back from researching daycare,
I stopped off at the Wal-Mart for a few things for the party Saturday.
I got some black pantyhose and some delightfully clunky shoes with woven
straps across the insteps. Black suede. Very nice. I
got a pendant watch in silver.
What in the world happened to the watch scene in
Wal-Mart??!! They got watches coming out the carpet over there, shelves
and racks and cases of em, must be thousands of different kinds.
I was astounded. It's been so long since I bought a watch, I been
so satisfied with my wonder watch, hehe, the one with phone numbers and
five alarms and stuff. Anyway, they had everythig from cartoon watches
to the ritzy-lookin kind to the rugged sort that has everything but a flint
stone in it, even "retro" digitals. Can you imagine that???
Those really dorky looking early digital watches, devoid of adornment,
heavy, huge numbers for time, tiny numbers for date. Remember?
Heh, I didn't like them the first time around, it's hysterical that they
are being featured as a cool thing now.
I was once in a play about the history of my hometown,
and the last scene was integration, it was set in 1968. One of my
fellow actors, a high school kid, was asked to remove his digital watch
just before the curtain went up, and he didn't understand why. It
was unbelievable to him that at that recent a time in history, the things
didn't exist.
The case of the hornies seems to be over, thank
God. I think it's tied in with the Pill trouble I had a couple weeks
ago. I stared on the Pill again after such a long time, was on one
week, then got an infection linked to one of my rings. So for some
reason the doctor took me back off the Pill. That can't leave the
hormones unaffected. It's such a relief to be freed from the nagging
drive. So it looks like the party might not be too excruciating after
all.
Am I oversexed? I do confess that I ask myself
that after reading in "Factoids
of the Gus" today that he does not get along well with oversexed heterosexual
women. Is hoping for some kind of friendhip futile? Then again,
do I count as hetero? What does oversexed really mean? Does
it mean to want it badly? Or to want it often? Or to get
it often? Or does it have to do with indiscriminate hunting and bagging?
If that's the case, then I can say I was oversexed ten years ago.
I was downright predatory. The thrill wore off that long ago, though.
Too many empty mornings, it jus wasn't worth it.
I've been emailing with the
Mayor of Bethesda Avenue lately. We both hold the tentative idea
that the party will be a success. "Knowing" someone else who is going
to be there helps with the nervousness.
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